Things I Should Have Said

99.8% of the time, being a librarian is the most wonderful job in the world. Honestly. You get to hang out in a quiet, peaceful environment, surrounded by books and people who love books and information. You get to talk about books all day. Each person who walks up to the desk can ask you any question in the world - it is challenging, exciting and teaches me something new every day. Of course, there is that other .2%.

For example, today a woman came to the desk with her 5ish daughter, pulling on her arm and whinning.
Patron: "I need to fax something. Do you have a fax?"
Patron offspring: "whine whine whine."
Bethany the Librarian: "No, I'm sorry, we don't..."
Patron, cutting off Bethany the Librarian: "Is that a fax?" She points to the large machine behind the reference desk.
Bethany the Librarian, slowly turning to large machine, then back to patron.
WHAT Bethany the Librarian SHOULD HAVE SAID: "YES. IT IS A BIG FAX WE ARE TRYING TO HIDE ON YOU. DARN. YOU FOUND IT."
Bethany the Librarian: "Nope. It's a printer. Here is a list of nearby businesses that have faxes."
Patron, answering cell phone that has just played loud, obnoxious music: "Hello?"

Example number 2:
Patron: "Excuse me. I can't find my library card and I want to use the computers."
Bethany the Librarian: "Ok. I can print you a guest pass for today."
Prints guest pass, which is a sheet of paper with a temporary barcode and password.
Patron: "What is this?"
Bethany the Librarian: "This is your temporary barcode and password."
Patron: "What a waste! It's a whole sheet of paper! For just these numbers! Can't you find a better way to do this?"
WHAT Bethany the Librarian SHOULD HAVE SAID: "We did find a better way. It's called a library card. If you didn't loose yours, I wouldn't have to print this."
Bethany the Librarian: "That's true. If you bring the paper back to me when you are done, I'll put it in our pile of scrap paper to be used again."

Sigh.